Walls

I’m one of those people that pour myself into relationships with people. It is a blessing, but also a curse. I kept finding myself hurt when people did not go out of their way for me like I did for them, or seem to care about our relationship as much. Soon, I became bitter. Anybody who wanted to have a relationship with me was met with a hard wall around my heart and emotions. I connected with them on a superficial level, letting them skim the surface. The core of who I was, my heart, was bubble-wrapped in a vain effort to not hurt, to not feel, to not be broken when the person would eventually leave. It worked…..for a little bit. I found people who put as much effort into me as I did. I found people who fought to be a part of my life. It was wonderful. It was great until I realized they were growing frustrated with the lack of depth in the relationship. You see, relationships with people can only get deeper by being vulnerable. Beauty comes out of being vulnerable. Sharing your fears, emotions, struggles and hopes attaches people and connects people on a deeper level. By guarding myself I protected myself. However, I was slowly killing any meaningful relationships. It was hurting the people that cared about me and hurting our relationship. I remember a guy I liked at the time telling me “You’re like a wall…and I only get passage through it sometime.” He felt like he didn’t know who I was, who I really was. That comment was a huge wake-up call. Here was someone I cared about a LOT who was hurting due to my lack of being open. Yes, walls protect but no progress can be made if a wall is blocking everything. That wall will block you in and block any meaningful relationships.So what do you do? How do you fix it? First, realize people are going to hurt you. It is going to happen. Whether you care too little or care too much, people will hurt you. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes accidentally. It happens. I don’t believe anyone can escape this world unscathed by at least one person. If it’s inevitably going to happen, you might as well handle it with grace and love rather then bitterness and anger. People will hurt you, Jesus won’t. He hears every cry and can heal any bitterness or hurt you have. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Ps 147:3) In those moments, lean on Him. He will never fail you nor forsake you. He will never disappoint. He is our anchor. Two, guard your heart. “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23. This doesn’t mean don’t be vulnerable. It means to be wise. I would advise not sharing all of your business and personal story with someone you don’t know or who hasn’t earned your trust. Not everyone deserves to know your story. Determine who does. Three, pray. Philippians 4:6-7 tells us “Do not be anxious; instead, pray about everything.” Pray God will bring the right people into your life. Pray against any bitterness or hurt you may have. Ask him to bless you with good friends who will be vulnerable with you, patient with you, and love on you. Ask him for discernment. Ask him to tear down any walls, any bitterness or any hurt that has made you less vulnerable to people. And when we feel like we can’t do it, and we don’t want to be vulnerable, we can remind ourselves that God became completely vulnerable to us. Jesus died naked on the cross in front of people who mocked him. He understands hurt and pain. Remember, he was 100% God and 100% human. He understands you. It may be scary to share hurts, pains, dreams, failures, hopes, struggles, etc. with people. However, God desires us to connect with people on a deeper level. Beauty can come out of being vulnerable.
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