Secrets and comfort

Last week left my stomach in knots, my shoulders hunched and my heart heavy. So heavy. So many of my conversations in the past few days have so far have ended with an “I’ve never told anyone” or “This can’t leave this conversation”.

As someone who takes on the problems and burdens of others, I’ve been feeling such a heaviness on my heart. I’ve been holding people’s pain, trauma and broken hearts inside my own heart, feeling the weight of it all dragging me down. I vented, cried, and tried to distract myself.

But all week I felt so hopeless. So small. So insignificant. So unhelpful.

Sobbing uncontrollably, I cried on a bench located in a little garden. I wish I could say I am a pretty crier, but I am not, and especially not during this cry. Big, heavy, ugly tears fell down my cheeks. I cried for every person that was hurting and for the own pain in my heart. Despite the bright flowers and peaceful breeze, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and it was all threatening to crush me.

And as I was crying, I thought of the verse, “Jesus wept”.

At a convention this past summer (yes, I promise this has to do with what I just said) I saw a girl with that tattooed on her. Intrigued, I asked her why she chose that particular verse. Her response was that it reminded her that Jesus is human….and he cries with us.

As I sat on that bench, I suddenly felt comforted. In John Chapter 11, Jesus gets word that Lazarus has died. Now Lazarus and Jesus were extremely close, so Jesus comes. Jesus meets Mary, Lazarus’s sister, on the road. Mary is crying and grieving.

And what does Jesus do?

He weeps WITH her. John 11:35 is the SHORTEST verse in the Bible and it simply states “Jesus wept”…..

Even though he knew what was going to happen.

Even though he had already said he was going to heal him.

He didn’t tell Mary to stop crying. He didn’t dismiss her emotions. Instead, he cried and grieved with her.

In that moment, I felt so loved and comforted. Jesus was crying with me on that park bench. He was crying with me as I was on the phone with my friend as they shared heartbreaking news, he cried with me when I sat in the parking lot of a hospital, and when I was sitting on the bathroom floor offering support to a friend.

He was crying with me through every heart-wrenching moment this week.

God isn’t scared of our emotions. In fact, I think that is why this Bible verse is so powerful. Jesus feels what we are feeling.

What’s powerful is that the story DOESN’T stop there. Jesus weeps with Mary and then heals Lazarus. He fixes everything…because ONLY HE can. The story is a reminder that Jesus is in control over every situation. I cannot fix anything. Only Jesus can.

And I’d rather have the Lord of the Universe fix problems than a girl like me who forgets to grab her phone and loses her glasses on a daily basis.

But on a serious note, I found so much comfort through this and I hope you will as well. Whether you are going through a hard time or someone close to you is, just know that Jesus sees everything. He is with you when you feel pain, sorrow, and stress. He is with you when you sob, cry, and even laugh. Remember, Jesus is the ONLY one that can fix it all.

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